Mischief

(a play script – nonfiction)
By Nina Walsh


CHARACTERS: Duke, my son’s boxer, and Hershey, my chocolate lab
SET: Three rooms; one with a door; one has a counter with a container of cookies; one with a large dog bed. As in Charlie Brown, humans remain invisible and silent.
ADDITIONAL PROPS: Christmas scarf, tug toy
BACKGROUND MUSIC AT OPENING: How Much Is That Doggie In the Window?

SCENE 1 -- ROOM WITH A DOOR
ENTER: HERSHEY

ENTER: DUKE RUSHES INTO ROOM
DUKE: Oh, Hershey, Hershey, Hershey! I can’t believe it! Am I really here? I am so excited! I can hardly stand it!

HERSHEY: Hi, Duke!

DUKE: Hang on, Hersh. I am so excited that I have to run!
(Duke runs through every room, finally returning)

DUKE: This is sooooo cool! I thought we were coming here, but I wasn’t sure. No one told me where we were going. Aren’t you happy to see me, Hersh?

HERSHEY: Oh, yes, I am; I am! I am really glad you are here. It is always fun being with you. I haven’t been feeling real well lately. My allergies have been kicking up again. I even had surgery on my nose last week!

DUKE: Surgery! I’m sorry! That’s no fun! Can you play?

HERSHEY: Oh, yes, I can play, but I am tired.

DUKE: You are sounding old!

HERSHEY: I am! Seven years old is old!

DUKE: When I had my knee surgery, they didn’t let me play for weeks and weeks. I don’t know why they did that. I would have recovered so much better if they had let me play. And you know what? I don’t think the surgery helped me one bit! My leg still hurts a lot. I run until it hurts, then I just keep running but don’t use the sore leg. I am so clever! I can run on three legs and it doesn’t slow me down at all! What was wrong with you nose?

HERSHEY: Oh, I had a lump. It was nothing, but Mom was real upset about it – especially when it started bleeding. Mom took me to a new doctor. You have been there – it is the one we took you to last year when you needed your shots.

DUKE: I remember. He was a real nice guy. Doctors usually are nice humans.

HERSHEY: Remember that doctor I told you about who is a relative? The one who lives halfway between my house and your house?

DUKE: Yes.

HERSHEY: The last time we left your house, we stopped there on our way home. He gave me a shot for my miserable itching.

DUKE: Did it help?

HERSHEY: Yes, lots!

DUKE: I’m glad to hear that!

HERSHEY: Until recently, when the itching started again. My new vet said I couldn’t have another shot because of the surgery, but he told Mom to buy some pills to help it.

DUKE: And does it help?

HERSHEY: Pretty much, but it is not as good as the shot. They are tiny pills which I don’t mind taking.

DUKE: Yo! Let’s let them know that we need to go potty! I’ve got to get outside soon!

HERSHEY: It’s nice to have you here, Duke. I’ll bet anything that we get to go for a walk tomorrow – just because you are here!

DUKE: I hope so! Grandma is so cool, and she is such a push over! All I have to do is beg and whine, and she gives in.

HERSHEY: I know. I think you almost get away with more than I do. It must be because you are the grandchild. However, she does tell everyone that I am her favorite child!

DUKE: Where am I going to sleep? With you, Grandma, and Grandpa?

HERSHEY: Yeah! Sure! I don’t know if they will let you get on the bed. There is room for you in my bed. Maybe sometime in the night, when they are asleep, you can jump up on their bed if you like. That’s what I used to do. But, I guess I am getting older. I just don’t have the ambition to get up in the night and jump on the bed.

DUKE: Do you still get up in the night to go potty?

HERSHEY: Oh, yeah. I have to do that, but I can’t jump up on the bed then, because they are awake. They fall asleep, and I fall asleep, and I don’t bother getting up again until morning.

DUKE: Well, I am going to see what I can get away with. I’ll jump up on their bed as soon as bedtime comes.

HERSHEY: You can try. But you are welcome to sleep with me.

EXIT: DUKE, HERSHEY

SCENE 2 -- BEDROOM
(Later that evening – at bedtime)
REENTER: DUKE, HERSHEY

DUKE: You were right! No way are they going to let me stay on their bed.

HERSHEY: There is plenty of room here, but I would really appreciate it if you don’t sleep on me! That is another thing about getting older. It hurts when you sit on me now. That’s what happens when you get older. You just kind of hurt all over.

DUKE: I’m sorry, but I love you so much and am so happy to be with you that I want to snuggle with you!

HERSHEY: Pleasant dreams.

DUKE: You too!

EXIT: DUKE, HERSHEY

SCENE 3 - ROOM WITH A DOOR
(morning)
REENTER: DUKE

DUKE: It’s time for me to do my whining and prodding routine with Grandma to see if she will take us for a walk!
(Duke whines and jumps around)

(minutes later)
REENTER: HERSHEY

HERSHEY: I knew it! Because you are here, Grandma is willing to take us out for a nice long walk!

DUKE: She’s getting the keys! We’re going in the car! Yippee!

HERSHEY: This means we are headed for the beach!

DUKE: Is that where there is the soft stuff all over the ground?

HERSHEY: Yes, and there are lots of wonderful smells to sniff! And there is a big lake there to swim in!

DUKE: I’m not sure I like swimming, but it is handy for getting a drink.

HERSHEY: I can’t think of anything more fun than fetching a stick thrown into the lake!
EXIT: DUKE, HERSHEY

SCENE 4 -- ROOM WITH COUNTER
(an hour later)
REENTER: DUKE, HERSHEY

DUKE: I am totally pooped!

HERSHEY: Me too! I think that is the point of the walk. Mom wants us to snooze the rest of the day. By the way, how are Chevy and Yellow?

DUKE: They are fine, but they drive me crazy, or maybe I drive them crazy!

HERSHEY: Yellow never did like me. Does she like you?

DUKE: Not really. But I don’t give her a chance to like me. If she comes too close, I jump at her and she goes flying.

HERSHEY: Have you calmed down enough yet to let Chevy rub against you and sleep with you?

DUKE: He is so annoying. Why does he want to rub me? Yuck! He likes lying in the sunlight too, so sometimes when I am enjoying the sunshine, I let him lie there with me. He thinks he has conquered me. Nothing could be farther from the truth!

HERSHEY: Awww, come on. He is sweet. You mean you never give him a lick?

DUKE: I didn’t say that! Yeah. I’ve given him a lick. He kinda grows on you.
Yo! They are going out and telling us we have to stay home and be “good boys.” No way! If I can’t go, I’m not going to be a good boy! Come on, Hersh! Let’s find something to get into that we are not allowed to have.

HERSHEY: Oh, Duke. There is nothing that I want except sleep.

DUKE: Something smells good on this counter!
(Duke jumps knocking the cookies on the floor. Duke grabs as many cookies as he can, runs around dropping cookies in each room)

DUKE: You sure you don’t want some, Hershey?

HERSHEY: No. They just make me vomit anyway.
EXIT: DUKE, HERSHEY

SCENE 5 -- ROOM WITH A DOOR
(the next morning)
REENTER: DUKE, HERSHEY

DUKE: Time to whine for a walk.

HERSHEY: It’s working! She is getting her walking shoes!

DUKE: Where do you think we are going today?

HERSHEY: She is getting the leashes. That means we are walking to the park.

DUKE: Oh, boy; oh, boy! This is so exciting I can hardly stand it!

HERSHEY: Me too! Me too! What is taking her so long to get out the door!

EXIT: DUKE, HERSHEY

(an hour later)
REENTER: DUKE, HERSHEY

DUKE: That was fun! I liked that retriever puppy! We could have had a lot of fun if we weren’t on leashes.

HERSHEY: I like the smells the best. I love finding bits of interesting food people have left behind. My stomach isn’t feeling so well right now. I must have found something that wasn’t good. It probably was that hard blue stick I found that I had to swallow whole.

DUKE: They are going shopping and leaving us alone again! They’ll be sorry!

HERSHEY: Come on, Duke! We don’t always have to go with them. Besides Mom promised to buy us something.

DUKE: She did? Wow! What do you think she will get? Some treats?

HERSHEY: She mentioned a Christmas scarf.

EXIT: DUKE, HERSHEY

(later.)
REENTER: DUKE, HERSHEY SPORTING A CHRISTMAS SCARF

HERSHEY: What do you think, Duke? Isn’t it handsome?

DUKE: I think it looks dumb. I’m glad she didn’t get me one!

HERSHEY: It is not dumb! It is from Old Navy! I am a fashion dog! You just don’t understand.

DUKE: You’re right: I don’t understand and I don’t want one! I’ll bet Dad told her it looked dumb too and that he wouldn’t let me wear one. But I did want a present! If they leave us again, they will know I am unhappy!

HERSHEY: Awww, Duke. Forget it! Come on, let’s play tug.

(later)

DUKE: Dad is packing up. Looks like we will be leaving.

HERSHEY: So soon? It seems like you just arrived. Mom has the camera out. We are going to have to pose and look happy when we are feeling sad.

DUKE: It sure was fun being here! Remember three years ago when I came home from the pet store to live with you?

HERSHEY: Of course! I was only four then. You were the cutest little boxer I had ever seen.

DUKE: You were and are the greatest lab I have ever seen! You were just like a father to me! You taught me everything I know!

HERSHEY: Except getting into mischief! I didn’t teach you that!

DUKE: Awww, come on! Are you telling me that you never did anything wrong.

HERSHEY: Well, I sure can’t say that! Mom says that I was “the worst puppy on the face of this earth until I turned ten months old.”

DUKE: You were bad? What did you do that was so bad?

HERSHEY: Oh, lots of things! I knocked pictures off the walls, I pulled down hanging plants, I ate a hole in the wall, I chewed on the windowsills and kitchen table. Hey, you have that kitchen table at your house now. Have you ever noticed the edges?

DUKE: Yeah! They don’t look so hot. You mean you ate actual chunks out of the table?

HERSHEY: I’m afraid so.

DUKE: You were pretty bad! So what made you change?

HERSHEY: We moved to San Diego. Mom brags that I became the perfect dog overnight.

DUKE: How could that happen?

HERSHEY: Mom says, “It was either California, magic, maturity, living with Dad again, or a combination.” Actually it was doggy park.

DUKE: Doggy park?

HERSHEY: Yeah. We went every afternoon just before dinner. The same dogs were there everyday. We had a wonderful time together! They were my best friends ever, until you.
Hey! Why don’t I go home with you?

DUKE: You can try! But I’ll bet Dad won’t let you come with me. Nor would Grandma allow you to leave her! Two cats and me are enough animals for Dad’s little house!

HERSHEY: You’re right. But still, I’m going to jump into the truck with you and see what they do!

EXIT: DUKE, HERSHEY